


Crimson Petals of Pain

by BeaSox



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Movie 1: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Sick Newt Scamander
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 07:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13382631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaSox/pseuds/BeaSox
Summary: Newt suffers from Hanahaki disease after believing that his love for Tina is one-sided.





	Crimson Petals of Pain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [volunteer_of_hufflepuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/volunteer_of_hufflepuff/gifts).



Newt thought about her. It was always her. He thought abought kissing her soft rosey lips, touching her smooth porcelain skin. Tina was always on his mind. He longed to hold her, to hear her lips form his name affectionately every night before she lay against his chest. 

He felt horribly lovesick; his stomach churned everytime he saw her, his heart beat instantly quickening. She was no stranger to being down in his case, chatting with him while they tended to his beasts. 

They were close friends and perfect company for one another; but he definitely didn't want to simply remain friends much longer. They were  compatible and every night he dreamed of finally confessing his feelings for her. 

But he could never do it. She could never feel the same way. He wasn't anything to be desired by anyone, let alone a beautiful woman like herself. He was self concious and lacked about everything else that she could possibly find attractive. She could never love him. Nobody could ever love him.

He lay awake at night, his pillow stiff and uncomfortable under his head. Sharp pain shot through his neck accordingly, but he ignored it. His mind was consumed elsewhere; the same feelings of nausea washing over him at the familiar thought of his beloved Tina. The feeling rose from the pit of his stomach, threatening to rip out from inside of him. 

He snatched the closest waste bin from beside his nightstand, hurling into it. He expected the bitter taste that came with throwing up, dreading having to haul himself out of bed to brush his teeth and empty the waste bin. Instead, his mouth felt oddly dry as if paper had been dragged from his throat and through his mouth. He struggled to swallow, the feeling nearly making him gag.

He switched on the the lamp on the nightstand, glancing at the waste bin curiously. He saw rose petals, a deep shade of crimson that stood out against the parchment underneath it. He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his forehead.  
"This isn't happening."

 He was dreaming. He had to be. He opened his eyes once more, and felt panic envelope his body as he took in his new predicament. 

~  
He threw up more and more as time went on, each time taking a toll on his body. His limbs felt heavier; his mind exaughsted from the mental stress of having to think of an excuse to run to the bathroom every fifteen minutes. He felt weak and dead inside; he couldn't eat due his insides feeling hollowed out and the constant nausea. Every day was a dreadful misery for Newt.

He had no clue to what was going on with him, but he desperately searched any text he could get his hands on to find out. 

He had just slid a book back into its place on a makeshift bookshelf as Tina descended into his case. "Whatcha reading?"

"N-Nothing in particular."

"Hm. Good morning."

"Good morning...how are you..?

"I'm well," she smiled, facing him. Her eyes caught the blinding rays of the sun, illuminating her dark eyes. They seemed to stare into his soul, and he quickly looked away. They talked about nothing at all, and he was glad to the break in the tension that he'd been feeling. The nausea dissolved for a split second, the cool breeze making him feel free for the first time in weeks.

"You aren't thinking about traveling, right?" She asked suddenly, her eyes scanning over him in a way that made him squirm.

"N-No. Why?"

"I'd miss you way too much. You just got here, too." 

He felt himself flush hotly, and bit his lip. She would miss him? He'd never planted roots long enough for someone to like him enough to miss him at the slightest. Did she like him...more than just an acquaintance? He watched her, secretly hoping to see her blushing as well.  
No such luck.

 She was calm. Too calm. It was almost as if she were discussing the weather with a buddy that she'd known from her childhood. She was too causal around him to even consider him in the way that he'd wanted her to. He was being silly. Plain stupid. Who could possibly want to love him?

He felt his stomach churn at each self deprecating thought, at each doubt of Tina's possible affection for him. "E-E-Excuse me..." he mumbled hurdiedly, fumbling to get up and throw up his breakfast into the waste bin that he kept tucked neatly inside his shed.

"You okay?" Tina appeared beside him, and he struggled to find his composure. He felt so tired. He was dying inside.

"Yes...I'm okay. It must have been something that I ate."  
~

Hanahaki Disease. The word disease struck Newt in the heart like the point of a sword. The word added an additional layer of seriousness to his situation and he almost regretted finally finding a drabble inside of a book that explained his condition. His sudden illness that caused him to throw up flower petals was the result of his one-sided love for Tina, and there was only one way to stop it.

He needed surgery to remove the infection that had decided that his stomach would make an ideal home, feeding on his genuine and burning love. He just loved her so damn much. The article he found didn't give him the satisfaction of details, leaving him in the dark as he researched more.

He tracked down a doctor, Dr. Nabezki in the wizarding world, known for performing such procedures. She was kind, and had a motherly aura that Newt found comforting. He supposed that being in her line of work being able to make someone as anxious as him relax was simply part of the job.

They covered cost, and she explained how she would go about removing the general infection from inside of him. He didn't pay too much attention to her words---Tina on his mind. If he was suffering with this terrible, relentless evil inside of him, that must mean that she didn't love him back. He had suspected this, of course, but now that it was offical he felt awful. About the entire situation---about himself. 

He regained his focus on Dr. Nabezki to catch her mention a detail that caught nabbed his attention. Losing his love for the person that made him contract this disease. To lose his love for Tina.

He felt numb for a whole week after finding out about the conditions of the surgery, and it didn't take long for him to consider it. Consider that maybe him losing his mermory of ever loving Tina wasn't such a bad thing. He could get rid of all of the endless pain that came with loving her, he would give anything to not feel that way anymore. Also, he was growing tired of throwing up rose petals.

~  
Newt was scheduled to have a surgery that Tuesday, and was greeted with a surprise visitor a day before. Tina was at his door step, a breathtaking sight.

"Hello. I just stopped by to what you were doing."

"I'm...not doing much now." His stomach was doing somersaults, and he mentally screamed at himself to stay strong. It was hard fighting against the tidal wave of supressed raw emotion that boiled within him, making him feel hopeless.

"Oh, okay. Well, maybe we can do something tomorrow? Like a picnic in the park or something? Just the two of us."

His breath caught in his throat. Just the two of them. Like a date? No, of course not. She didn't love him.

"That sounds lo-lovely."

"Okay, goodnight then," she went unexpectedly in for an embrace and he went rigid. 

"S-Sorry," she mumbled under her breath, pulling back. He could tell that she was angry with him by his response, but he couldn't figure out why. She was attempting to be friendly, of course. Now he'd ruined everything.  
"It was a hug, relax, okay? I should get going anyways."

Once the door closed, Newt threw up. The petals fluttered to the ground, and he dropped to the ground with them. He threw up several more agonizing times, his body reeling at each heave as he trembled. He wept, his vision a blurred mess of red from the petals scattered on the hard wood flooring. He depsised the petals. They were proof of his failure at love; failure at living. Tina hated him now.

He couldn't directly recall the last time he'd wept so violently, giving up with each sob of a broken man. He wished that Tina loved him back, that was all he'd ever wanted. All that he needed.

 Nobody loved him. He was miserably alone, stuck in an unforgiving world of dullness. He was also stricken with a sinking guilt about permanently erasing his feelings for Tina with the surgery, but tried to surpress the feeling. He always tried to supress his feelings, and maybe that was why he was always so sad. Maybe that was why he hated his life; hated himself for being unlovable and a burden to Tina. The mere thought of her feeling the same way made him consider possibly taking his own life, his own happiness slipping through his fingers. She was so close, yet so far out of his grasp. If he was someone else she could easily love him, but he was himself. A loser. A nuisance. A burden that needed to be taken care of.

~  
Newt reported to the hospital at promptly 5 AM for his surgery, his nerves prickling at him with purpose. What if something went wrong? What if he died? Would it really be such a bad thing? If this failed he had planned on ending it all anyways, the weight of the constant petals and his one-sided love beginning to be too much for him. He just wanted it all to stop.

He was comforted by the surgeon and by Dr. Nabezki, who was present to check on him afterwards. She was to confirm that he was relieved of the illness; and had no recollection of his harbored love for Tina. This was her job, and she didn't think much of it. Didn't think much of the love that had grew from the year and a half that he'd known her. He'd fallen for her instantly, and never stopped loving her. Until now.

~  
Tina waited patiently for her date to arrive, her spread of his favorite foods arranged in front of her on the picnic blanket. She spotted him, crossing the grass, and waved him over.

"Wow, you're very classy. Making a women wait, are we?" She teased playfully as he sat beside her.

He chuckled gently, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

She studied him throughly, raising a brow. Something was off about him. He wasn't fidgeting, his voice rid of the stutter and panic that her addressing him would usually cause. She chewed the inside of her cheek. Was she reading him all wrong? Maybe he only saw her as a close friend. She knew deep down that a man that sweet and kindhearted would be interested in her was too good to be true. 

They gazed at the stars as the night dragged on, with many stolen glances on Tina's part. Maybe she should be the one to make the move. Knowing him, he was most likely just too nervous to kiss her. That must be why he'd rejected her hug last night.

"Newt," she said, sitting up. He did the same, peering over at her from his perch on the blanket.

"Yes?"

She leaned into him, closing her eyes slowly. She saw him pull back in her slitted vision, and she retracted to avoid any further embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, T-Tina. I just don't..."

"It's okay. It's fine. It's getting late."

She felt utterly stupid, cursing herself for her foolish actions. She hadn't thought her plan out all of the way, she'd acted on impulse. She flopped onto the couch in her apartment once she'd apperated in, Queenie entering the room.

"How did the date go? Did ya kiss him?" Her younger sister bugged her cheerfully.  
Queenie paused, listening to her Tina's thoughts. "Oh no."

"What do you mean 'oh no'? He didn't kiss me, okay? He doesn't love me."

"Teen, that's not it. He's been ill lately---"

"Like stomach flu? I saw him throw up a bit ago."

"Kinda, but it's connected to his feelings...feelings for you. He loves you with all of his heart, Teen. He believed that you could never love him back so much, that he convinced his body the same. The disease he got made him throw up flower petals, and he had to get surgery in order to remove the infection."

"Wh---? If he loved me so much, then why did he reject me?"

"He...doesn't love you anymore. The surgery takes away his feelings for you in the process, and he won't remember ever loving you now. Oh, I'm so sorry, Teen. I knew that he was considering the surgery, but I never thought that he would actually go through with it!"

Tina felt too shocked and too confused to be infuriated at her sister, her head throbbing. She needed to see him. He couldn't really be gone. His love for her couldn't disappear that easily. 

~  
Tina stepped back was the door creaked open, revealing a sleepy Newt who rubbed his eyes lazily.

"Tina?"

"I love you."

"Tina...I-I just don't feel the same way."

The words crushed her, but she tried to ignore them. He loved her. He had to still love her.

"I love you, Newt. I love you, I love you so much."

"Tina..."

She pulled him into a kiss, craddling his cheek with her hand. He gently pulled away after a second, her heart racing. She willed him to remember, to kiss her back as his heart yearned for her as much as hers yearned for his. "I love you! Do you hear me? I know you're in there somewhere, Newt! I've always been in love with you! You don't have to be alone anymore!"

Her attempts to urge him to regain his memory were feeble and in vain, him growing uncomfortable by her pleas. She had brewed a lie that she was getting over him, and that she promised that she wouldn't force herself on him again. Just like that, their friendship was back at ease. Each picnic and coffee meet up was painful for Tina, who remembered the once unbreakable love that they'd shared. She watched Newt fall for another woman, their relationship lasting longer than expected. Her name was Cindy, a stunning brunette who had stolen his heart. Tina was sure that he was thinking about proposing, he talked about his love for her so much. They grew distant as time went on, and eventually cut ties when Cindy moved back to Australia. 

Tina thought frequently about the time she was missing out on, she could be the one to get proposed to by now. If only Newt had remembered. She didn't know how to feel; he wasn't trying to hurt her. He truly believed that she was over him.

Newt announced that he was moving a year later, he didn't find any reason to stay. He liked the company of friends, but he also enjoyed traveling. It made him happy. He didn't know why he'd decided to move in the first place, packing up from his home to be by friends seemed irrational now. He recalled another reason that drew him the city----someone. He couldn't remember.

Tina saw him off at the dock, déjà vu slamming into her like a truck. He was leaving her again. He'd only just come back. No kiss goodbye this time, either. No hug. Just a plain and friendly wave as he stepped onto the ferry that would further tear her apart. 

She cried to Queenie for an hour, wishing that her shoulder was Newt's. If only he could have seen that he was loved. If only he could have seen that someone could love him, he would have been beside her. He would have still loved her.

A knock at the door made Tina jump, lost in thought. She swung the door open, her brain unable to register what was happening before a hand was on her cheek. Lips were pressed against hers, and she closed her eyes after catching a glimpse of fiery curls. Newt didn't let her out of his arms, sliding one around her waist to get her as close to him as possible. 

His breathing was heavily labored, and his chest pressed against her as he struggled to catch his breath to say the three words that he'd been trying to find the past year. "I love you."

She laughed softly, tears spilling down her reddened face. "I love you too, you idiot. Don't you dare do anything like that again."

He pulled her into a tight hug, and she reached up, placing a hand on his back. He was hugging her. She'd imagined this moment for a long while, and she savored every moment of his warmth. 

"You waited for me."

"Of course I waited for you. I will never find somone like you. You're special. You're perfect in every aspect. Stop hating yourself so much."

He sobbed into her shoulder as she rubbed his back affectionately. He thought about his dreams of being this close to her, of kissing her. His mind traveled to how lost and hopeless he'd felt when he'd decided to get the sugery, the thought of not living anymore more welcoming than having to suffer with the uncurable pain inside of him any longer. He'd thought that his real disease was the part of him that no one could ever bring themselves to love, but he was living proof that he'd been wrong. 

He let Tina's whispers in his ear calm him as he drank in her scent of lavender and something else. The scent also came with a matching feeling; a warm and fuzzy feeling that he'd never felt before. A feeling of home. 

He'd finally found someone to love him.


End file.
